Foreword
There isn't one person in the whole wide world who didn't
said at least once “my mother is insane”. My mother instead is especially
insane, and to prove that I’ve decided to document every act of insanity that
may come up along the road and part them into tinny tiny insane chapters.
Let me tell you something about my mother.
She likes to shop. I mean Rachel Green, Miranda Priestly and that
girl from The confessions of a Shopaholic have nothing on my mother –except that they wear nice,
designer clothes and she just buys for the sake of spending money. My mother
does volunteering work but not for the right reasons. When people do
volunteering work, they do it so they can help other people or animals or simply out of
passion. My mom does it because the uniform looks nice and they let her out of
paying the mortgage on the house.
My mother worked with her hands ever since she was in dippers.
She believes that writing or drawing is not work and that her only child can do
that AFTER she has kids and basically dies inside.
CHAPTER 1
I’m twenty somewhat years and I still can’t say “NO” to my
parents. Last year I went to the beach with some friend for a week. I was
positively sure that in September I’ll have to go back with my parents because
we seem to be tied in some strange way all together and they simply can’t do
anything without me.
On my way back I used the air conditioning in my car, struck
by heat and exhaustion a little cold invaded my body and the next day I was
feeling like crap on a stick. I was having high fever, sore muscled, I was
shivering like a leaf in the Canadian wind, my eyes were runny, my nose was
runny, my throat hurt and I had a headache the size of Russia. I asked my mother if she could go get me some
medicine for my cold to which she replied: “You’re feeling bad? Really? Well imagine
how bad I felt when you went to the beach without me! Go get your own medicine!”
Needless to say that I went, I got and I got back on all four
.
So that’s one chapter in the “My mom is insane - The
chronicles” book.
