My parents are insane - The Chronicles

Chapter II

My mom is an expert in everything. From literature, math, history and foreign languages down to politics, fire fighter codes and nuclear physics.

God forbids someone else can have an opinion, and if she accepts to listen to that opinion it will be, most definitely, wrong. My mother’s opinion in the truth and nothing else is acceptable. Even if she agrees with you she will find a misusage of a word and draws the attention from the previous matter by listing everything that was wrong with the way you used the word, hence creating another argument that she can win at.

My mom’s opinion is always the right one, unless that opinion comes from the TV that she listens to, religiously and if the doctor says is like this, than the doctor is a crazy bastard who is trying to kill her, because the nice lady in the talking box said it the other way around.

The nice lady in the talking box taught her to eat healthy, so she buys every shit that she can find with the word “healthy” on it. She buys the weird black and seeds bread, that I can’t stand, and we are all obligated to eat that stuff.

Unless I’m on a diet.

The word diet sparks a plug in my mom’s brain, a plug that makes her crave non diet-y stuff, therefore when I’m “on a diet” you’ll find in the house the following: Coca cola, cake, French fries, chocolate chip cookies, chocolate, ice cream and many other non diet-y groceries.